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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Domestic Violence: Something to Think About

Hi everyone,

Today my post is a little different.  I wanted to focus on a huge issue around the world that actually has affected me personally (long time ago), multiple friends, and just recently one of my dearest friends.  In fact, she was victimized just last night.  We have been through 2 days of fear, sadness, anger and utter disbelief.  I'm going to share her story today and my story on another post with the hopes of helping people to open up, and also maybe we could get some feedback from you because we need to help this lovely woman who didn't deserve what happened to her last night.  I need help to help her and I am reaching out to you, my friends, for some advice and some support.  Thank you for taking the time to read this today.  This is a very long post and I know you have a zillion things to do so I will highlight the part where I am really asking for help if you want to just skip to that. :0)

First of all my friend came home last night after a quick vacation with a girlfriend only to have her husband hold a gun to her head.  They've been having marital problems for a long time and normally it never escalates to violence or anything like that, but he does have severe depression and likes to drink.  He broke into her email before she came back home and saw a letter she had written to a girlfriend mentioning that she was wanting to leave him.  She had no idea about this until later when they started talking and he started drinking.  His mood was all over the place and she finally just decided to leave the situation and go and unpack.  He followed her to the bedroom and she wasn't worried or anything until she knelt down to unpack and she saw a red laser-like light shine next to her.  She looks up and he's holding a gun with a beam pointing right on her and said "This is what's going to happen if you decide to divorce me".  Then he walked over and actually held the gun to her head and asked her if she was scared.  She said she was.  He then threw the gun on the bed and laughed and said "You didn't think I would actually do something like that did you? Besides, it's not even loaded."  By that time she was shaking and scared and decided she had to get out of there so when he turned around, she bolted down the stairs, grabbed her purse, just praying her cell phone was in it and ran, barefoot in the pouring rain, until she felt safe enough to call 911.  The cops showed up right away and kept her in the car with them while they surrounded their house.  She was with the police for about an hour and a half.  I don't know what took them so long, but when I got to her house later, I noticed the door had two big holes punched or banged in.  Must have been the cops trying to get in and her husband wouldn't let them or something.

Anyways, back to the story.  I had a bad feeling and I knew she was coming home that night from her trip so I just decided to text her and make sure she was ok.  She sent me a message that said no, her husband just wanted to shoot her!  Well, I flipped out, of course, because I (and she) always had a bad feeling that someday he would turn on her and then more than likely kill himself (we still think that) so I rushed right over to her  house to be with her.  I was so thankful to see her alive, shaken up and white as a ghost but alive, that I just hugged her and started crying.  What a mess!

So they toted him off to jail (before I got there) and as they were doing that, when she and the officers reentered the house, the officer found the gun in a box.  Her husband had tried to hide the gun.  She asked the officer when he found it, "Can I ask, is it loaded?"  Remember, her husband told her it was not?  Well, the officer said "I hate to tell you this ma'am, but it's a full metal jacket, fully loaded".  She had narrowly escaped death.  I truly believe had she stayed there with him in his state of mind, my sweet friend and her husband would have both been dead by today.  Thank you Lord for protecting her and for her to have the courage to call 911, which I fully believe also saved his life.  In a DV situation it can be very hard to call the police because you still don't want to hurt the person who's hurting you or sometimes the person who's hurting you threatens to hurt you or your family if you call the cops (which was my previous experience).

It just amazes me that people can think they have the right to try to control someone else's right to live.  It happens every day and it is a sad, sad thing.

She is ok now, but has no money, doesn't feel comfortable staying at the house because, let's face it, a restraining order DOES NOT keep you safe.  Not against someone with a mind like that.  For any of you women out there who do think it's safe, let me tell you from my own experience, it is not.  A man that wants to kill you will do it whether or not he's "allowed" near you.  At that point, they just don't care.  Especially a man as depressed as this who doesn't even care for himself.  Scary situation.

Anyways we need some help.  I am wondering if anyone out there can give us some guidance for a few important things.  Most of which I cannot post here, because asking these specific questions I have would help identify her and I don't want that to happen.  So please, if anyone out there has been through something similar and would like to help in some way or even offer the advice I need, please send me an email (amyjrockstar at gmail dot com) and I'll send you more of the personal details we need help with.  For now we have to be very cautious about any of the specifics for her safety.

Please note the right sidebar on my blog.  I will be making cards to send, but now I was wondering if any of you would make a card or something with some words of wisdom, or love, or support, for my dear friend.  I know it would help her so much.  I just know it would.  I know you all have very busy lives and we all have so much going on but if you could find it in your heart (and your schedule) to make her a little something special (it could be anything), I would be extremely grateful to see her lovely face light up.  She needs to know she is not alone right now because she feels very alone.  I am her only friend in this state and one of two friends in this whole country.  She is not from here and is very scared right now.  She needs to know the love that Americans can show and she needs to believe that not all Americans are liars and backstabbers.  A lot more happened besides what I have mentioned here and some of the people she trusted most here have turned their backs on her because he went to jail.  Like she had any other option but to call the police.  Let's show her that we are a good people, a kind people, and a caring people.  Let's prove that to her.  Please, if you want to send something let me know and I'll send you my address so I can get everything to her  Again, amyjrockstar at gmail dot com. 

I will tell my experience with DV in a different post on a different day.  I'm exhausted from the past two days and hope I can maybe get some sleep.  Plus, you all have been kind enough to stick with this super long post and I appreciate that very much.  Thank you, my friends.  If any of you were in this same situation, I would do whatever I could to help and I know I can count on you the same.

XO ~ Amy Jo


Anonymous said...

Dear Amy Jo's have made the best possible choice you could have made! Congrats! I escaped a very violent marriage 4 years was so severe we relocated, changed our names and socials and started all over from scratch. You can read my DV story on my blog. Amy Jo can show it to you. I would encourage you to follow through on holding him legally accountable and encourage you to NEVER go back...despite what he might tell you. Because he has already acted out violently, he is predisposed to doing so again in the future. Not all men are violent...I have met many who are bigger "ball bags" and "softer" than any of the women I know, myself included.

I have emailed Amy Jo my contact information...please use it anytime you need or want to.

Amy is so great of you to want to help and to be there for her. Having someone to support you can make all the difference.

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